To Believe In Gun Control...

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We'll start Gun-Day with a lengthy, but heartfelt, list of "you have to believes." You may have seem some or all of these, but it never hurts to refresh on the good stuff.

A list of some of the things that you have to believe if you believe in gun control:

You have to believe that the more helpless you are, the safer you are from criminals.

You have to believe that ordinary people, ordinary people in the presence of a gun turn into slaughtering blood-thirsty butchers and they resort to normal ordinary behavior as soon as the gun is removed.

If you believe in gun control you have to believe that the people have a right to peaceably assemble, you believe in the right of the people to be secure in their homes, you believe in the right of people to pray and speak, but you do not believe in the right of the people to keep and bear arms.

That it is reasonable for California to have a minimum 2 year sentence for possessing but not using an assault rifle, and reasonable for California to have a 6 month minimum sentence for raping a female police officer.

That it is reasonable to jail people for carrying but not using guns, but outrageous to jail people for possessing marijuana.

That minimum sentences violate civil rights, unless it's for possessing a gun.

That door-to-door searches for drugs are a gross violation of civil rights and a sign of fascism, but door-to-door searches for guns are a reasonable solution to the "gun problem."

That the first amendment absolutely allows child pornography and threats to kill cops, but doesn't apply to manuals on gun repair.

That free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self defense only justifies bare hands.

That with the above, a 90 lb woman attacked by a 300 lb rapist and his 300 lb buddy, has the "right" to kill them in self defense, provided she uses her bare hands.

That gun safety courses in school only encourage kids to commit violence, but sex education in school doesn't encourage kids to have sex.

That the ready availability of guns today, with only a few government forms, waiting periods, checks, infringements, ID, and fingerprinting, is responsible for all the school shootings, compared to the lack of school shootings in the 1950's and 1960's, which was caused by the awkward availability of guns at any hardware store, gas station, and by mail order.

That we must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time, and anyone who owns a gun out of fear of such an lunatic is paranoid.
That statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control, and statistics that show increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."

That Massachusetts is safer with bans on guns, which is why Teddy Kennedy has machinegun toting guards.

That most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by, because they can be trusted.

That a woman raped and strangled with her panties is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

That the right of online child pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is a constitutionally protected extension of the Bill of Rights, and the claim that handguns are for self defense is merely an excuse, and not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

That the ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.

That 1 firearm owner in 10,000 will commit an act of violence in his or her lifetime, and this is far more frightening than the 25% of drivers who will cause a serious or fatal accident.

That you should rely on police in lieu of your gun, just as you should rely on a dentist in lieu of your toothbrush.

That when someone dies because they couldn't get a drug the government won't approve, it's tragic, but when someone dies because they couldn't defend themselves with a gun the government won't approve, that's just life.

That a criminal is somehow more of a threat to a cop than to a regular person, so police need guns and regular citizens don't.

That one has the moral obligation to make a citizen's arrest when one sees a felony in progress, and that it should be accomplished by yelling at the perpetrator, "Stop! Or I'll yell 'stop' again!" rather than by drawing a weapon.

That intelligent people should support gun control because they realize they are too stupid to be trusted with guns.

That outlawing the carrying of guns will stop people from doing so, just as lowering the speed limit stops reckless driving.

That we should deal with the problem of criminals using illegal weapons by taking lawful weapons away from honest people.

That guns cause crime, just like matches cause arson.

That guns cause crime, just like women cause prostitution.

That guns cause crime, just like men cause rape.

That a bank guard can protect money with a gun, but you cannot protect your children with one.

That one should be more afraid of one's spouse blowing a gasket and shooting the children, than of those children being run over by a hormone-driven teenager in a car.

That people are too stupid to handle guns, but are intelligent enough to vote.

That it's safer to do nothing than resist with a gun, which is why the military wins so many wars by not fighting.

That suggesting teachers be armed is an outrageous suggestion for a "civilized" society, which is why the Swiss and Israelis do it.

That making it harder and harder for even cops to have guns on school property will somehow make it harder for lunatics to kill the utterly helpless students.

That it's safer with less guns, which is why lunatics shoot up schools instead of gun shows or police stations.

That guns cause crime, which is why there was no rape or murder in the Dark Ages.
That just like the anti-nuclear weapons movement used to believe, if the potential victims disarm, the oppressors will take pity on them and give up their weapons in remorse.

That one should judge all gun owners by the acts of a few criminals, just like one should judge all blacks by the acts of a few inner-city crack dealers.

That making it harder to get firearms legally will reduce their illegal use, just like making it harder to get a prescription will cut down on the illicit drug trade.

That you don't need a gun, therefore no one needs one.

That stupidity can be cured by legislation.

That with nationwide gun control, the entire nation can be as safe as NYC, LA and Chicago.

That since a gun isn't 100% effective for self defense, you should get rid of it, along with your first aid kit and fire extinguisher, since they aren't 100% effective, either.

That if Chicago were to legalize firearms, it would have shootouts in the streets, which never happens now.

That we should ban guns because people have a "right to feel safe," but the right to feel safe by owning firearms for defense is not valid.

That the few people who can't use martial arts or other non-lethal means of self-defense--the young, the old, the infirm, the disabled, the weak, the small, and the pregnant--are simply the necessary sacrifice we must make to criminals to avoid the risks of letting people be armed.

That the dangers of guns outweigh their recreational uses, unlike alcohol and motorcycles.

That telling a murderer he'll go to jail for carrying a gun will make him think twice.

That the only way to end gun violence is to ban guns, just like the only way to end medical malpractice is to ban doctors.

That most people are seething cauldrons of potential violence who cannot be trusted with a gun, but most people are so decent that there is no need to carry a weapon for defense.

That if an a group of anti-gun protesters feels threatened, they should ask police with guns to protect them while they tell everyone how worthless guns are for protection.

That the typical town only needs one law enforcement officer per 1000 population, because most people are law abiding, but that it's dangerous to let citizens carry weapons because most people are criminal.

That all gun owners are tobacco-chawin', beer-swillin', racist, redneck bubbas.
That gun control will "keep guns out of the wrong hands," meaning law-abiding Americans' hands.

That banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns.

That guns cause crime and that is why we see so many mass shootings at gun shows (right?).

Random factoid:

A Georgetown University-Duke University study conducted by Dr. Jenz Ludwig said that the only measurable effect of the Brady Bill was a slight decline in firearm suicides in the male population over 55. This was based on the assumption that the greatest reductions in fatal violence would be within states that were required to institute waiting periods and background checks, per the Brady Act.

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