Friday, January 19, 2007

Let's All Apply!!

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Just sent to me from TJ... this is awesome!


Becoming Illegal

(From a Maryland resident to his senator)

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate Office Building
309 Hart
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for
five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when
I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone
figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can
apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me
and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save
almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college
age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Pete McGlaughlin

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue
Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can
save on this great offer!!!!

Explain it to me once more: WHY do I have to "Press 1 for English"?

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have the same question.

i was born in the Canal Zone,
all of us kids had to take Spanish class to learn how to speak Spanish.

and those Spanish classes started in about the fifth grade in ANCON,CANAL ZONE at Ancon Elementary School.

now that I'm up here in the lower 48 I find it very uncomfortable to hear the selection of what button to push if i want service from QWEST, my phone company.

I think that if every ship Captain or Pilot of an aircraft or Air Traffic Controller has to be able to speak English,
then we have established English as the language of commerce some time ago in the past.

so,
what the heck has gone wrong with people's thinking around here?

and i don't think it is a conscionable thing to print any BALLOTS in any language other than English either.
how can you have anyone who is an independent observer of an election make any kind of judgement as to whether the translation on the ballot actually represents what is being voted for on the English Ballots?

not that this remark will make any sense to most people.

why can't we make a law?

all immigrants must have an average command of the English Language by 24 months from entering the country unless they are not old enough to be matriculated in school yet.

19/1/07 21:56  
Blogger saj said...

The People's Republic of Massachusetts and the People's Republic of California would like to announce the addition to their communist union THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF MARYLAND.

Maryland now has a socialist/communist governor and an even more socialist/communist legislature.

20/1/07 07:48  
Anonymous JenW said...

Thank goodness I live in a red state! Of course, some people around here call it the "'Communist-wealth' of Virginia," lol.

And, most papers are in both English and Spanish in my part of VA.

I am still glad I live in a red state, though. ;o)

20/1/07 16:32  

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