Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Have you heard it?

It's the proclamation that's sweeping the nation!

It's the command from the left that must be obeyed!

It's the message of fundamental change!

It's Unity.

Yes, all the cool kids are singing the praises of "Unity." From every hilltop, they are calling for a big old American group hug. They are ready to let bygones be bygones and move into the changeful (I might have made up that word) future.

I know what you're thinking-- where the heck were these people for the past eight years? Well, come on now-- that's just loser talk. Let's not keep getting caught up in the old politics of divisiveness and hate.


Yes, yes, yes... I realize that President-Elect Obama has spent the last two years trashing America and the Constitution-- telling us that the sins of America are why the world is such a horrible place. I understand that Obama has shown his utter disdain for "regular" Americans and their peculiar habit of clinging to certain things. It is true that he is friends with a good many people who actively hate America-- and some who have actually tried to destroy America through violence.

All of this is true, but inconsequential. The only thing that matters now is that he won the election, and that means...


You know, like when George W. won in 2000 and 2004.

Oh, no, wait... not that kind of unity. That was different, you see. Bush was evil and it was patriotic to call him childish names and "fight" against everything he tried to do. Remember, Hillary told us all that "dissent is patriotic." Of course, that was while they were trying to defeat Bush in 2004. Anyway, that is all in the past and we have to move into the future now-- and the future is Unity.

Now, please understand: the Unity they are calling for now is not anything new, so please don't be afraid. This brand of Unity has been tested many times, and it works very well-- so long as your goal is totalitarianism. In fact, some of the great "unifiers" in history used calls for Unity to do all sorts of wonderful things. Take for example the recent opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics. Now that was some Unity! Please don't bother reading the back story on all the human rights violations and what not that went into it. The important thing is that they all beat those drums together... in unison!

Heck, just go back to the 20th century to see what Unity accomplished: Mussolini "made the trains run on time," even if it meant the loss of most individual rights-- in the name of Unity! Wilson got us into World War I and used brute squads and other, less compassionate measures to make sure no one back home spoke against it-- in the name of Unity! Hitler made sure those dirty Jews paid for their sins-- in the name of Unity! Stalin killed several million "haters" to prevent them from ruining the Communist dream for everyone else-- in the name of Unity! Castro and Che Guevara forged a paradise in Cuba by eliminating filthy Capitalists and other "traitors to the revolution"-- in the name of Unity! Pol Pot got rid of a few million pesky enemies of the people-- in the name of Unity!

Even President-Elect Obama's friends got in on the act. Bill Ayers and his wife Bernadine Dohrn had a perky little group called the Weather Underground who wanted nothing more than Unity. In fact, they even knew that if they were to achieve it, they would have to first overthrow the U.S. Government, and then eliminate an estimated 25 million "haters" who would just not understand Unity and were, therefore, a threat to it.

Now we can add Barack Obama to the long and illustrious list of famous and charismatic leaders who successfully used Unity to advance their gentle causes.

Remember: whenever you are doing something in the name of "the people," then you can't really be wrong, now can you? After all, how could anyone who is trying to do something for "the people" possibly be anything but altruistic and pure?

The only thing we have to overcome to achieve the utopia that Obama promises is our outdated and "selfish" notions of individual rights. How can we possibly attain Unity if we're all running around worrying about ourselves, instead of the collective-- oops! Didn't mean to use that word. Anyway, the idea that we can move forward as individuals is ridiculous. What have individuals ever accomplished?

Yes, I know that our Founding Fathers gave a lot of lip service to "individual rights." I think we can all agree, though, that they were just posturing to get a point across to that evil King George. Besides, that was a simpler time when things weren't as nuanced as they are now. They didn't yet understand the bliss that can only come with Unity.

Think of how great our country could have been if those early Founders had instituted things like universal health care and state funded abortions! Why, I can't even imagine how our early economy would have soared if they had only had a "progressive" tax system that punished those who over-benefitted from their own success! No, as smart as those men seemed to be, the real truth of Unity escaped them. That is further evidenced by the fact that they put in place so many "checks and balances" that were ostensibly designed to prevent the glory of one-party rule-- which is, when you think about it, an important road to Unity.

No, it seems that Americans have for centuries been brainwashed into thinking that individuals matter more than the people do-- that the rights of "the person" trump the rights of "the people." Just look at what that old-fashioned General Patton said: "If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking." Come on! That is ridiculous! He just said that everyone was thinking alike-- and that must mean that they were thinking-- right? See how confusing all of these advocates for individualism are?

As a much more enlightened nation today, we have to listen to people like Michelle Obama, who wisely noted that "Someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more." Now that is clear as a bell.

What else do we need to know? Well, how about democrat Congressman Jim Moran of Virginia's now famous statement that we've too long been guided by a "simplistic notion that people who have wealth are entitled to keep it." Also very clear, right?

If an achiever gains wealth and actually keeps it, then that means an un-achiever (okay, I made that one up, too) won't have any. Is that fair? Is that enlightened? Is that unifying? Hell no! I say more pie for everyone! And don't bother asking me who will make all these pies-- that's just more confusing and gratuitous fact-flinging.

We have an historic opportunity here. We have finally elected another leader like Wilson and Roosevelt and Johnson... one who gets it. Those three aforementioned Presidents tried their level best to achieve Unity and, truth be told-- they made good progress. After they were out of power, though, we always seemed to slip back into the old ways of selfishness and individual rights and all that malarky.

Now, Presidents Carter and Clinton wanted to get us to Unity, but they were just victims of bad timing and circumstance. Carter tried to make us understand that we were in a period of "malaise" after he successfully brought the economy down where it belonged; but then along came that has-been actor, pumping up all the individuals with his optimism and economic solutions. Clinton tried, in his first two years with a democrat controlled Congress, to get taxes back up where they belong and punish the succeeders (that word is real). His dreams of Unity were crushed, though, by the individualistic Newt Gingrich and a Republican revolution in Congress in 1994. After that, all we got was a better economy and a lot of feel-good legislation to protect commerce and rights. What a waste.

It's different this time... this time we can do it. We can go all the way. I know we can, because Obama says we can. Don't believe me? Just ask any one of the people who support him-- ask them: "Can we do it? Can we become a full-blown Marxist state?" They will undoubtably answer:

"Si se puede!"


"Nationalism is power hunger tempered by self-deception."

--George Orwell



Anonymous Jay Bob said...

Yeah, actually I have to agree that I think Obama might have it in him to finally accomplish something...
He is even more idealistic and bred for this task than the above mentioned Socia--er--Democratic presidents, and they accomplished A SCARY LOT!
But, what would ever make anyone believe Obama wants Communism? He doesn't sound anything like...um...actually, never mind.
Well, he definetely doesn't sound like those other presidents on them dollar bills.

11/11/08 16:28  
Blogger kmg said...

Oh, I think he can definitely accomplish something. Now that I've removed my sarcasm filter, I can say unequivocally that this is exactly what is scaring me to death-- the fact that he will accomplish something.

"The winds of change are blowin' wild and free..." --Bob Dylan

11/11/08 19:06  
Blogger warhorse said...

Why is it that every time I hear the phrase "Change You Can Believe In!" I get a mental image of the Manhattan skyline with a mushroom cloud rising over it ... ?

12/11/08 15:19  
Blogger kmg said...

If that weren't so disturbing, it would be funny.

"Change" has definitely come calling...

12/11/08 16:18  
Anonymous AW said...

"If everyone is thinking alike, then someone isn't thinking."

i love that. wow. easy to read and relatable, well, for some.

18/11/08 00:57  

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